The Advice given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who still absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."